Work friendships are great, but could yours be holding back your career Viewpoint careers advice blog

Work friendships are great, but could yours be holding back your career Most of us spend far more time with our work colleagues than we do with our friends and family. It’s no wonder, then, that we become good friends with the people that work both with and for us â€" even our bosses. Many of us often make lifelong friendships at work. But, while that may be a great thing for improving your happiness at work, and even making us feel more fulfilled, could these friendships be inadvertently acting as a barrier to career progress? Allow me to explain further. There are plenty of statistics out there indicating how typical it is for many of us to develop friendships with co-workers â€" according to a 2013 report, more than a third of adults have met at least one of their closest friends at work. But what if you were to be offered a job elsewhere â€" the chance to make that big step in your career you’ve been dreaming of for years? Naturally, you’ll want to take up the opportunity, but on the other hand, you may feel guilty about leaving your work friends behind. Maybe you’re scared that they’ll feel you’ve betrayed your friendship if you leave them? There can be a lot of advantages of having friends at work Research in the UK has found that of those who did make meaningful friendships at work, more than seven in 10 said it made them enjoy their job more. In addition, 38% said they can always rely on such friends if anything goes wrong, and a similar percentage â€" 36% â€" said it made getting out of bed in the morning much easier. None of these findings should be greatly surprising. Friendships in any context â€" never mind just at work â€" can make us feel happier and more fulfilled. After all, as humans, we need to feel that we belong, as if we are part of a tribe. In the words of Annie McKee, author of How to Be Happy at Work: The Power of Purpose, Hope and Friendship, “we need to feel part of a group that feels good to be working together on something that we care about.” With research having shown that belonging is one of the most fundamental human needs after food and shelter, and full-time employees in the U.S. averaging 8.5 hours of work time per work day, we shouldn’t underestimate the fundamental role of workplace friendships in helping us to achieve this sense of belonging and contentment in our lives. As McKee says,“it’s unacceptable to be unhappy for that much of our waking lives” â€" a sentiment I’m sure we can all agree with. What’s more, having friends at work can even contribute to our professional effectiveness and success. In fact, according to Gallup, people with a ‘best friend at work’ are seven times as likely to be engaged in their job. Their engagement with customers is also better than those who lack a ‘best friend at work’, their wellbeing greater, and the quality of work they produce higher. Friendships with colleagues can also make us feel a higher level of job satisfaction, and less impacted by stress â€" and as lifestyle journalist and Mic writer Marissa Miller has observed, they can assist you in setting boundaries and adapting to change, too. Do you feel guilty about changing jobs? This can be a common feeling for many people who are considering making a job switch, due to the loyalty that they may feel to those they have made friends with at their current workplace. If you have felt, or are feeling, such pangs of guilt yourself, it’s important to reframe your thinking on this situation â€" otherwise, your work friendships could be effectively holding you back from making real progress with your career. Yes, most of us can probably relate to that feeling of sadness that comes when a colleague who is also a close friend confirms they are leaving the business. But that shouldn’t make you feel so loyal to your co-workers that you find it unimaginable to ever leave the company yourself â€" and you certainly shouldn’t feel that leaving your present employer would constitute ‘turning your back on’ or ‘betraying’ your friends. The fact is that no matter how close you may be to friends at your current workplace, there can also be very good reasons to move on. The chance may arise for you to jump up to a role that might not be open to you at your present employer, for example, or even to expand your skill set or experience a different culture in another part of the world. So, don’t see your friendships at work as a barrier to your progression, see them as a positive force in your work-life one that has made your experience at work more fulfilled and happy â€" and one that will continue to be a positive force once you move on to pastures new. How to tell your friends at work that you’ve resigned So, once you’ve found your exciting new role, here’s how to tell you work friends and handle your impending exit well: Always tell your boss first. Telling your boss first will enable you to agree on how the news will be communicated more widely throughout the business, including your friends. It’s also important to leave on good terms, for the simple reason that you never know how your professional paths may cross in the future. So, make an appointment to speak with your boss privately, disclosing the news that you have decided to leave. As Susie Timlin, Chief Operating Officer at UK Government Investors, has explained, you don’t need to be worried about handing in your resignation â€" indeed, in this blog, she has answered some of the questions that you are likely to have about the process. Then, tell your co-workers â€" closest friends first. If you’re friends with someone at work, there’s a good chance that you’ve already discussed with them your feelings towards your current job, and possibly even your intention to leave. It may not therefore be a huge shock to them when you do resign. Once you’ve notified your boss that you’re leaving, you’ll be able to reveal the news to your colleagues, and it’s a good idea to start with those old friends who may already suspect you’ve been thinking about leaving. Consider meeting them outside the office â€" such as when going for lunch â€" to tell them the news. When you do, focus on what excites you about the opportunity ahead, and try to remain professional and committed right until your last day. Be careful about what you share with certain work friends. Not all work friendships are exactly the same; while some of the friends you have in the workplace may feel like confidantes that you can share more-or-less anything with, others may be ‘frenemies’ who could later compromise you if you say the wrong thing in private â€" such as complaints about the boss or about how you “can’t wait to get out of here”. As McKee advises: “We have to be careful about the kind of information that we share with our colleagues, with our bosses, and with others in the workplace.” She adds that workers should “really learn how to read people accurately and understand whether in fact you can trust them, and then determine what you can share based on the level of trust in that relationship.” Tell your work friends that you will keep in contact. And even more importantly, keep your promise. Remind them, too, that your paths may cross professionally again â€" which is especially likely if you’re still in the same industry or in the same city. Whether or not you make any particular attempt to remain in touch with old friends, you might encounter them again at other companies, trade shows or conferences, and you will want to keep all potential future opportunities open to you. Continuing to maintain friendships with those that you no longer work with, then, could also help to keep your broader professional network strong. As observed by financial therapist Amanda Clayman: “20 years from now, you might be doing business together. I see people in senior roles not because they have a longer work history, but because of the relationships they’ve made over their careers.” Don’t overthink their reactions to the news that you’re leaving. Some of your friends at work will be genuinely excited for you, while others may be resentful, and others may feel that you’ve abandoned them. Any such adverse feelings will pass in time, as they adjust and get used to the fact that you’re not going to be around as much. Remember that the ability to adapt to change is something we all need in our personal and professional lives alike â€" so be sure to remain compassionate and helpful towards each other. That should include, if applicable, transferring clients and projects to your co-workers in as seamless and stable a way as possible, so that everyone will be able to manage the transition of your exit gracefully. You can make the right career decisions for you, without ruining friendships Always remember that if your friends at work are true friends, your friendships with them will last long after you’ve left the business, and that they should also genuinely want the best for you. So, don’t let your work friendships hold you back from making the right decisions for your career. Did you find this advice useful? You may enjoy some of the  related content  below: Being a perfectionist is good for your career, right? Are you struggling to be more creative and innovative in your work? Are you ‘learning agile’? How to master the art of learning and practising feedback Why creativity isn’t just important for ‘creative’ jobs Using mindfulness to improve how we work together